As regards Humbert's remorse: my criticism was not that Will (Evison's protagonist) should, like Humbert, feel shame.  Rather, I merely suggest that Will's actions should be considered in their moral dimension.  As it stands, the book is morally anaerobic, which (I think) is irresponsible.

As regards being derivative: I have no trouble with Evison's borrowing or writing in a mould - but he needs, at least, to add something original, something of interest, differentiate himself.  He does not.

John Minervini